


Understanding Differences

by ninwrites



Series: A Lesson In Love [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Almost Kiss, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Asexuality Conversations, Dates, First Dates, First Kiss, M/M, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 07:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9710519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites
Summary: It's one thing to admit feelings for one another. It's another to act on those feelings.





	

**Author's Note:**

> (feat. asexuality conversation because of Importance.)
> 
> all spanish came from the dictionary on my phone and I aplogise profusely if I got any of it wrong.
> 
> so much of this seems to reflect 'Carry On' by Rainbow Rowell - not by intention but rather because I can't ignore the similarities and I love the book so much.
> 
> inspiration for their brunch-outfits taken from [this art](https://au.pinterest.com/pin/455356212308595008/) by su-pectrum. Because. Literally just because.

Simon and Raphael's first date can be best summed up as surprising, for both, though in very different ways.

Simon thinks it will be difficult to adapt to their new situation - in which they don't actually hate each other - and Raphael can't imagine their date as being anything but awkward, considering how out of his depth he is when it comes to dating.

Instead, they actually have a fairly good time.

They have a late dinner at a homely restaurant per Raphael's suggestion, a warm place with delicious food at prices affordable on a teacher's salary and overwhelmingly nice staff. Usually Raphael would have to mutter insincere pleasantries, but this time Simon's blabbering takes the attention away - he small-talks with their waiter and jokes with the maitre'd, leaving Raphael to watch in silent awe. Not once does Simon let the heavy weight of human conversation fall on Raphael's shoulders - something Raphael doesn't really know how to handle.

It's - it's overwhelmingly nice. And unexpected. Raphael's a little thrown off balance, and unsure of how to proceed. Does he thank Simon, or does that seem too pathetic - had Simon even intended to do it or is he just that kind of person, unconditionally friendly and kind and whatnot.

All that bright and happy stuff that Raphael struggles with.

"So, what's good here?" Simon asks, once they're seated and their waiter, Matt, has left them to get settled.

"All of it." Raphael states, because it is. "I usually order the chicken piccata."

Simon hums, a smile playing on the corners of his mouth. Raphael can't help but stare - he knows he looks creepy, but he's struck by the peculiarity of the situation. He's on a date - he, Raphael Santiago is on a date - and more than that, on a date with _Simon Lewis_ , a person who only a few months ago, Raphael was ready to lock in a storage cupboard if only to shut him up.

Now, Simon is babbling on about some meal that Clary's mother used to make for him, chicken caccia-something or other, and Raphael finds it - well, at the very least bearable. He may even possibly go so far, within the security of his own mind, to call it somewhere along the realm of adorableness.

They order, Simon smalltalks with their waiter, they eat, and Simon manges to draw Raphael into a pleasant, ongoing conversation. It's strange, Raphael isn't the kind of person who easily and willingly engages in personal conversations of depth with, well, anyone frankly - it took years for Magnus to find out anything about him.

Yet for some reason, he finds himself telling Simon a lot, such as about his penchant for catholicism - he even goes so far as to show him the small golden cross resting against the hollow of his neck, though refrains from telling him it's origin; it's too early to scare Simon away with tales of his family.

They're both still very new at this thing. And as much as it goes against the very grain of who Raphael has always thought he is, he really wants this to work.

He finds out about Simon's sister, Rebecca, who he's fairly close to, and his mom, who brought him and Rebecca up as a single working mother, which Raphael understands better than most.

Raphael explains how he and Magnus met - an unfortunate college orientation party that Raphael couldn't get out of, and ended up leaving stuck with a friend he still cannot relieve himself of - a fact which Simon laughs heartily at. It's a surprisingly pleasant sound.

Simon in turn relays his own friendship with Clary, how they were inseperable from an early age, how they've been friends for so long that she's like family, _is_ family.

Which, unfortunately for Raphael, brings them to a point of conversation about feelings that he's not at all comfortable with.

"I haven't had a proper relationship before," Raphael admits. Simon frowns, but Raphael surges on, because if he doesn't it won't get said. And Simon deserves to know the truth.

"I've dated, briefly, but it's never been anything serious, because as I'm sure you've figured out feelings sort of, make me uncomfortable. Magnus calls me cold-hearted, but I don't really take it as an insult."

Simon smiles, shyly, which wasn't the reaction that Raphael had been expecting. "I've never dated a guy, before." Simon admits. "Before you ... well," Simon blushes. Raphael tries not to stare. "Well, I'd never even liked a guy before you."

It's a lot to take in.

"So we really are both learning as we go, then?" Raphael says.

Simon shrugs, that sweet grin coming back. It feels Raphael with an unfamiliar sense of fondness.

"I think it'll be fun," Simon says. He reaches out and slowly, carefully, slips his hand into Raphael's. "And scary, but we can deal with that along the way."

"You're scared too?" Raphael hates that he sounds so thin and pathetic.

"Absolutely terrified." Simon admits. "I resorted to calling Alec because I liked you-"

"Alec?" Raphael echoes. "Magnus' current fling?"

"Yeah," Simon frowns, stirring his straw around his glass. "Fling? They seem fairly serious to me."

"Possibly." Raphael shrugs. He's known Magnus for a long time. He's learnt not to presume anything for at least three months. "I've seen Magnus in relationships before, he falls hard and fast, and more often than not, it burns and fizzes out like a dead star."

Simon's still looking at him. Raphael can't figure out how he feels about such an intense stare. "Do you really think that will happen for them?"

"I'm refraining from comment until a few months have passed. I could say no, but that would feel like jinxing it. I could be wrong. But it's too early to claim anything yet."

Simon involuntarily squeezes Raphael's hand. "Do you think that will happen with us?"

Raphael hates the look of open apprehension and concern in Simon's eyes, as much as he despises the uncertainty in his own voice when he responds: "I don't know, Simon."

He squeezes Simon's hand back - his skin is soft and warm and Raphael never wants to pull away. "But I can assure you that I'll try, I'll put whatever I can into this so that it has a chance to last."

Simon's smile returns. Raphael feels like a flame has been lit in the middle of his chest.

"Me too." Simon promises. He looks giddy and bright and the world feels like it's slotted into place. "I think we can make it work."

Though Raphael doesn't say it, part of him thinks that Simon might be right.

  


* * *

  


It doesn't take long for word to get around about Simon and Raphael's first date.

They try to keep it secret, mainly because they're still trying to work things out themselves, they don't need the opinions from others interfering. Raphael even tries to be nastier to Simon whilst they're at work, to blind everyone from the truth - for some reason it only proves to have the opposite effect.

Which, frankly, is just rudely counterproductive.

"Oh, look at the two sweet lovebirds. I can practically hear the wedding bells now."

Raphael scowls, glaring at Magnus as he walks into the staffroom. It's too early for this. "Either you've gone completely _loco_ , Bane and are hearing things, or you're pushing your own hopes for the future on me, in which case you can-"

"Raph." Simon looks at him firmly, though not unkindly. "Let it go."

Magnus looks far too self-righteous and satisfied for Raphael to willingly let it go. And Simon just called him _'Raph'_ which usually just infuriates him - he has a name for a reason, he has no need to shorten it.

However ... Simon is being sincere and kind and letting him take it as slow as he wants and Raphael knows the right thing to do is respect him and his wishes.

So instead he hardens his glare - noting the somewhat harsh whisper Alec directs at Magnus - and makes a mental note to throw out all of Magnus' pens or something.

"Simon and I were engaged to be married once," Clary says, glancing up from her laptop.

She knows, properly knows that they're trying to date, not by assumption like everyone else - mainly because Simon hadn't been able to keep it from her. Raphael hadn't been as mad as Simon had expected, mainly because they'd only been on one date so far, and Raphael had told Ragnor, so...

Clary continues with her little tale, and Raphael throws mini daggers at Magnus from across the room. He's going to hear about this, he's sure, Magnus is going to lock him into having a conversation at some point and he's not going to be able to get out of it.

At the very least Clary has managed to spare them for the moment, which Raphael appreciates. He might have to thank her, or get Simon to get her something as a thank-you gift. He's not very good at the whole 'sentiment' thing.

Or the dating thing, for that matter. It's been almost a week since their first date, and although he and Simon have been texting on and off the whole time, and they make excuses about needing to consult for classes or meetings, they haven't been on another proper date.

He needs to rectify that. He promised Simon he'd put effort into this. And he refuses to break his promise.

  


* * *

  


"Hey, Simon?"

Raphael knocks on the door to Simon and Clary's office, poking his head in cautiously. He'd almost snapped at Magnus for making another joke about their 'relationship' - he still hasn't confirmed anything - and he'd needed some space.

His feet had brought him to Simon's office.

Simon and Clary look up. After sharing a few fleeting glances between them, Clary ruffles Simon's hair and stands up.

"I've got to talk to Magnus about a commission piece I'm working on." She states, brushing past Raphael with a sly grin.

The corner of Raphael's mouth quirks as he steps into the office, perching himself in Clary's recently-vacated seat. It feels oddly familiar in a twisted sense - now he's in the position Simon had been, though thankfully it's less awkward this time around.

"What's up?" Simon asks. He's smiling, though Raphael isn't sure whether it's because he has a naturally sunny disposition or because he's happy that - that Raphael is here.

A small part of him secretly hopes it's the latter.

Raphael wrings his hands together, keeping them locked between his knees. "It's come to my attention that we haven't been on a date since, well, since our first ... one."

Simon nods, his eyebrows knitting together. "No, we haven't."

Usually Raphael would be greatly annoyed at Simon's ability to completely miss the point so obviously in front of him.

"I'm trying to ask you on another date, Lewis." He sounds a little exasperated. Forgive him. He's quite new to this.

"Oh." Simon blinks slowly, as though Raphael's words have surprised him. "Oh."

If he says 'oh' again, Raphael is going to-

"I'd like that." Simon looks up, his eyes shining. Raphael feels his annoyance slowly drain away. "I'd really - like that."

"Well," Raphael brushes imaginary lint off his shoulders. "Good."

"Where are you taking me?" Simon asks. He's smirking.

Raphael hasn't thought that far, yet. He'd just been thinking about actually asking Simon out in the first place.

"How about I call you later and we can figure out the details then?" Simon suggests, still smirking. Raphael isn't sure whether he wants to wipe the smirk off Simon's face, or revel in the contorted sense of delight that fills him at the sight.

"I suppose that's a fair suggestion." Raphael nods. "Alright."

Simon's response is such a positively luminescent smile, that Raphael can't find it in himself to be annoyed.

  


* * *

  


They go out for late night waffles and ice-cream - Simon makes a joke about how Raphael uses a knife and fork, and then karma hits in the form of icy teeth and a short-lived brain freeze. Raphael hides his grin behind his latte. Simon doesn't need the encouragement.

It's pleasant and the conversation is light and calm, and Raphael inexplicably doesn't want it to end. But it eventually does, with Raphael walking Simon back to his apartment block, waving off Simon's protests with a gloved hand.

They hesitate, outside the door - Raphael isn't entirely sure what he's supposed to do next, but he's not quite ready to say goodbye yet either.

"I had an enjoyable time tonight." He states, because he did, and he needs Simon to know that.

"Me too." Simon scuffs the toe of his converse against the hardwood floor. There's a light flush of heat across the tops of his cheeks, which Raphael would put down to it being cold out, but the air is fairly warm within the building and Simon won't stop ducking his gaze.

"We should do something this weekend," Raphael suggests. It's only a few days away, and then they'll be able to properly enjoy their time together.

"Like the cinema?" Simon rattles on about some film he's been dying to see, and Raphael just reaches out and takes his hand, because he can't fathom another way to shut Simon up, for just a second.

"Thank you," Raphael says, softly. "For tonight."

Simon smiles, and then he leans in, his lips brushing against Raphael's cheek softly, and Raphael's whole world spins on it's axis.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Simon says, backing into his apartment.

It takes Raphael a few seconds to get his feet to listen to his brain and move away from the door - he feels a little dizzy, in an overwhelmingly good way.

  


* * *

  


They've been on three dates and Raphael is freaking out.

Of course Magnus isn't doing much to help, with his stupid comments that he believes are actually helpful.

"Forgive me, Raphael, but I am not sure what the problem is."

Magnus cradles a glass of whiskey in his hand. The situation calls for liquor stronger than just wine. Raphael is on the verge of a breakdown.

"We've been on _three_ dates, Magnus. I don't think I've ever been on that many consecutive dates with anyone."

Raphael doesn't understand how Magnus is having such a hard time understanding where he's coming from.

"So?" Magnus studies Raphael critically. He feels a little like a specimen. It's not a nice feeling. "Do you still like Simon? Do you still want to date him?"

"Of course!" Raphael snaps. _"Eso es a todas luces absurdo-"_

"Then what, pray tell, is the problem?" Magnus asks, taking a sip from his glass, completely unfazed by the stream of Spanish Raphael just spat at him.

Raphael sighs. This is why he doesn't date. Feelings are irritatingly complicated and he has no patience for any of it.

He rakes a hand through his hair - he usually hates looking dishevelled but he can't find the energy to care. "We've surpassed the third date, Magnus - I know I don't date a lot but I am not _estupido_."

"I never said you were." Magnus says softly. Raphael collapses into the closest armchair and sighs harshly.

"I don't know how to tell him." Raphael says. Magnus, for his credit, catches on.

"It's not fair to keep it from him." Magnus casts a pointed look at Raphael. "He deserves to know the truth."

"I know that." Raphael frowns. "I just don't know _how_ , I mean what if - what if he doesn't want to keep dating me once he knows the truth?"

"What if you keep it from him and it drives you apart?" Magnus counters.

Raphael glares at him, but it's weak and half-hearted because Magnus is right and he can't deny any of it.

  


* * *

  


Simon thinks he got it wrong before. He'd been so nervous about liking Raphael and dating a guy, but he really shouldn't have been worried.

It's so much easier than he'd expected - he'd even go so far as to say it's easier dating Raphael than it had been dating girls, though dates with girls had been few and far between themselves.

The only thing, if he were to place any negative fault anywhere, would be that because they're taking it slow, he doesn't feel as sure of his actions.

For example, he really, _really_ wants to kiss Raphael, but he's not sure whether the same date-rules apply; he kissed Raphael's cheek after their second date, which was impromptu and very nice, but he's not sure when the appropriate time is to take further steps.

He doesn't want to scare Raphael away, he's really enjoying their time together, and despite their rocky start, he likes Raphael a lot.

But. He also wants to kiss Raphael. A lot.

"So why don't you just kiss him?"

Simon taps his pen against the table. "Because it's not that easy."

He and Clary had started off working on reports, as they're both horrible at getting them done on time, but after about an hour work had been discarded in favour of idle chit-chat - the perfect time for Simon to spill.

"We agreed to take it slow," Simon explains. "And I don't want to push him, I like how things are going - and I've never even kissed a guy before, it could be really awkward and messy and I don't want that."

He wants it to be as close to perfect as possible.

"Maybe you should talk to him about it," Clary suggests, cradding a mug of coffee. "I can't imagine it's too different from kissing a girl, and if you really like him, the moment when it's right should be pretty clear."

Simon shrugs. "Or so I'm hoping."

Clary's right, which comes as literally no surpise - she usually has the answers he needs faster than he does, and any solution she comes up with is better than any he does.

"Just talk to him, Simon."

He could do that. He probably should do that. Or he could ask Raphael on a date, and see what happens. Maybe there will be a moment when everything feels right, and then he can do it.

Which just leaves him with picking a place - they went to the cinema last time, to see _Fantastic Beasts_ , though Simon thinks that Raphael only agreed because Simon was so excited about it; he'd had a good time, though, the movie was great and around halfway through Raphael shuffled down to lean his head on Simon's shoulder.

Simon wants to recreate that sense of comfort and quiet delight. And he thinks he might just know how.

  


* * *

  


**Simon {22:38}:**

_Are you free Sunday?_

**Raphael {22:45}:**

_Sunday? I'm relatively free._

**Simon {22:49}:**

_Want to have brunch? x_

**Raphael {23:07}:**

_I'd love to. Anything to keep me from loathsome marking._

**Raphael {23:10}:**

_x_

_  
_

* * *

  


Brunch is not something Raphael actively participates in, but when his gaze falls on Simon, standing outside Taki's in dark blue jeans and an incredibly well-fitting red-and-white letterman jacket - he thinks he could jump aboard the brunch-bandwagon.

Raphael adjusts the collar of his own jacket, a deep gleaming black with printed flowers because Magnus kept nagging him about wearing colours, and Taki's doesn't seem like the kind of place where one can really wear a suit.

"Raphael!" Simon greets excitedly. "Hi."

It's rather sweet how enthusiastic he is by the sight of Raphael, despite knowing that he was going to turn up, because they're on a date, and that's just how it works. Raphael isn't sure when he got so disgustingly sappy - he never used to be so ... touchy-feely.

"Hello, Simon." Raphael nods. Simon's gaze flickers, hesitant and warm.

He reaches for Raphael's hand, slots his own fingers in the spaces between. His hand is soft and firm around Raphael's, and Raphael allows himself to be pulled inside. The inside of Taki's is welcoming, if a little bright - not usually Raphael's style, but Simon asked him out, and chose this place, so he's willing to at least give it a try.

They're lead to a corner booth, somewhat hidden away from the rest of the establishment. It's surprisingly busy for an early Sunday morning - Simon mentions something about it being quite popular amongst 'hipsters', and then he grins, as though he knows something that Raphael doesn't. Raphael frowns and slides into the booth opposite Simon, picking up a lamenated menu to peruse.

Raphael's problem with brunch is simple - it's both breakfast and lunch, and yet neither at the same time. It's far more complicated than he frankly believes it needs to be.

He ends up deciding on a simple Ceasar salad, though he cannot deny his own amusement when Simon exclaims brightly that he's going to have pancakes with maple syrup and cream _because he can_. For a respectable teacher, he has the strange tendency to behave much like a young child.

"So, how did you get into teaching?" Simon asks, after they've ordered. It's not really a subject that has come up before, surprisingly.

Raphael shrugs nonchalantly. It's not that interesting of a story.

"As a child I was learning two languages at once. It simply made sense to me, when it came to consider my future, to turn that around and teach both Spanish and English." He allows himself the faint ghost of a smile. "The Literature part was a bit of an indulgence of mine during college, and I loved it enough to pursue it further."

Simon nods along, as though it makes sense to him. "I think it's amazing, by the way."

Raphael frowns. "You think what is amazing?"

"You're fluent in two languages, which you teach, and I heard on the grapevine that you have a Masters degree in Literature Classics." Simon stares, eyes wide. "That's incredible."

Raphael can't find anything to respond with. He's sure that Magnus must have been the one to tell Simon, but he doesn't even mind. His degrees are formed from his passions, and to hear compliments in regards to what he's quite literally put heart, sweat and tears into, is - it's overwhelming.

"What brought you into teaching?" Raphael asks, to alter the direction of the conversation back to the original subject. He's not sure he can handle the intensity of Simon's compliments.

Simon blushes, a dusting of pink across his cheeks. Raphael tries not to stare, really, he does.

"Uh, that is actually, kind of an embarrassing story." Simon rubs the back of his neck, sheepishly. "You probably know, because everyone likes to make jokes, but back in high school I had a crush on Clary-"

"I heard that you were in love with her." Raphael interjected.

Simon's blush deepens, a bright, flushed red - and this time Raphael's problem is not trying to refrain from staring.

"That's not - I don't, not in that way, not anymore." Simon clarifies, which is odd, because Raphael had never said he did. This is their fourth date, Raphael isn't stupid.

"Anyway. Clary decided to go into teaching partway through college, and I didn't like the idea of her doing it alone - and it sounded a little more interesting than just a music degree, so I jumped aboard - my theory being that if I hated it I could just drop out - but I loved it, and so here I am."

Raphael laughs softly. It's rather sweet, and he can't deny that in a contorted way, he's glad Simon had such strong feelings for Clary, because it's unlikely they'd have met if things had occured differently.

Their conversation is halted when their waiter comes over with their orders - Simon taking a minute to pour the syrup over his pancakes, Raphael organising his cutlery.

"I think that's quite - admirable." Raphael admits, stirring the ice of his lemonade.

Simon smiles, flicking the end of a sugar packet. "You don't think it was weird?"

"A little unprecendented, perhaps." Raphael shrugs. "But it's not like you did it to stalk her. You were already her friend, and you were technically interested in the subject - admittedly if it was somebody else I'd probably find it ridiculous, but-"

Simon blinks, and he's smiling and it's cute and Raphael can't stand the rush of warmth through his body, so he clutches the cool glass of his lemonade and takes a slow sip. This is ridiculous. He should have a better handle on his own feelings and reactions than this. He's not a teenager - though he hadn't really felt much for anyone as a teenager, let alone as strongly as he does for Simon, all things considered.

"You come out with the nicest things at the strangest of points, you know that?" Simon cuts into his stack of pancakes. "There are points where I almost expect you to say something, and you don't. And then I let my guard down and _bang!_ "

Raphael frowns, and Simon smiles wryly, almost sheepishly. "That was you sweeping in with a compliment or some-such. Man, you frown quite a lot - I don't mean that as a bad thing, I just-"

"Simon, _por el amor de Dios_ , shut up and eat your pancakes. _Por favor_? I know you didn't mean anything bad by it. It's fine." Raphael offers a weak smile, but it seems to be enough, because Simon smiles back, and nods, and everything feels good.

They eat in calm silence, adding in a comment here or there, and the whole time, beneath Raphael's skin, an electric current hums, fast and encompassing.

  


* * *

  


Raphael and Simon walk to the subway station, because Raphael has to pick up some things for the coming week and Simon insisted.

"I could come with you," Simon says, for the third time in as many minutes. "I really don't mind."

"Simon, I think I can make it to the shopping centre by myself, I am a fairly capable human."

"I never said you weren't," Simon rushes to clarify. "I just - I had a really good time today..."

The air shifts, the atmosphere heavier, weighing down on them. Something flickers in Simon's eyes, and then he's leaning forward and all of Raphael's fears come crashing down around him.

He tilts his head at the last moment, Simon's lips brushing against Raphael's cheek instead of the originally intended destination. Raphael's heart sinks into stomach, but he can't - he couldn't let Simon do it without explaining himself first.

"I'm sorry, Raphael, I-"

Raphael slides his hand into Simon's and squeezes. He conjures up a weak smile, the last thing he needs is for Simon to feel bad or blame himself, when he's done nothing wrong.

"It is not that I didn't want, _that,_ to happen," Raphael explains. "I just - I think we need to talk first. I'd feel better if, if we talked."

Simon nods, but he still looks a little upset, so Raphael leans forward and presses his own lips in a soft kiss against Simon's forehead.

"I can leave my shopping for another day. Would you like to come to mine for a cup of tea?"

"Yours?" Simon asks, the question seeming to have broken him out of his dazed stupor. The light has returned to his eyes, and Raphael feels a little better.

"Yes, my place. I do have an apartment Simon, I don't live in a hotel." It feels natural to tease Simon, and thankfully, it seems to be appreciated.

There's a blinking moment of silence. And then Simon pipes up: "I like tea."

Raphael likes tea too, though not as much as he likes Simon.

Raphael's apartment is furnished with a sense of fashionable necessity. He has the furniture he needs, though he didn't spare any expenses in purchasing them. His walls are dotted here and there with frames, mostly from Magnus, who apparently couldn't stand the bare sight of an empty wall. He has a few pictures of his mother in his bedroom, but they're hidden away, and now is the time for a different conversation, one about him, not his family.

Simon glances around, wide-eyed and curious. "Your apartment is..."

"Empty?" Raphael laughs - he actually laughs. It's low and sharp but it's a laugh nonetheless, and it seems to shock Simon quite a bit, too.

Simon frowns. "Not, not empty, I was going to say sophisticated, or clean, actually - I'm sorry, did you just laugh?"

Raphael shuts the door, watching as Simon wanders into the open-space living room. "If you want to call it that. And I suppose I laughed - again, if that is what you wish to call it."

He ushers Simon towards the lounge. It would be best for the both of them if they were sitting down, it's not exactly going to be a light conversation. He hates to bring the mood down, he's enjoying the easy back-and-forth, but this is important.

"First, let me explain myself properly." He begins, sitting down on the couch, Simon following closely after. "I know I told you that I haven't really dated, and that's true - for good reason - but I've enjoyed our dates immensely, Simon, you must know that."

Simon waits patiently, though he is smiling albeit apprehensively. Raphael takes it as a cue to continue.

"I really like you. And that's, well, it's a little unusual for me, because I don't often ... the feelings I have for you are a little foreign to me. And as such, I'm a little hesitant to, well, to jump into anything. I wasn't understating myself when I said I was _very_ new to all of this."

Simon shuffles closer, his hand resting on the cushion between them. Their pinkies brush together, and the movement should be too small to send such a racing spark up Raphael's wrist.

Raphael flips his hand, palm-up. An invitation which Simon, thankfully, takes.

"I can't let this continue without you knowing everything - it wouldn't be fair to you." Raphael sighs. Surely this should be easier. Surely, after all the time and thought he's put to this moment, all the time they've spent together, it should be easier.

"There are certain, _things_ that I don't think I'll ever be able to do."

Simon's hand clenches involuntarily within Raphael's, but Raphael knows that if he doesn't continue he won't get it out, and Simon deserves the truth.

"Things based around affection are fine, holding hands and, cuddling and - and kissing," Raphael lifts their joined hands, and places a soft kiss against the back of Simon's, hoping to offer some reassurance. Simon's cheeks flush, which gives Raphael a sliver of confidence. "Those I'm perfectly comfortable with."

And here comes the part that Raphael struggles with. He hopes Simon understands.

"But anything heavier, things that are, of a sexual nature ... _lo siento_ , Simon, but they're pretty much off the table. I can understand possibly being intimate with someone if I'm, if I'm in love with them, or the time feels right ... but I can't see it as a casual, easy thing because it's just _not_ , for me."

Simon's hand feels heavy in his own, the air thick with hesitation and the words he'd just confessed. He can't swallow past the lump in his throat, and there's perspiration gathering at the back of his neck, beneath the collar of his jacket. He wants to take it off, because everything is warm, too warm, but that would involve letting go of Simon's hand, and Raphael can't shake off the anxious feeling that he wouldn't get it back.

"Are you ... asexual?" Simon asks, his voice breaking through the tense atmosphere.

Raphael's a little wonderstruck, that not only does Simon know the word and what it means, but he doesn't say it with disgust or irritation, he says it kindly, albeit cautiously. Raphael had only learnt the word a few years ago, having stumbled across it online. He'd learnt that few people understand what it means, so he tends to keep it to himself - it's not something he has to flaunt; he rarely forms romantic attatchments for people, it's only when he does that he has to worry about it - so often, he doesn't have to.

He can already tell that he likes Simon, potentially more than he's ever liked anyone. Which is why he has to make sure that Simon understands - before both of them get too far into the relationship to safely remove themselves.

"Is that a problem?"

Simon rushes to shake his head, and Raphael feels the air flood back into his lungs, all the tension that had been dragging him down, lifting up and away like a hot air balloon.

"No, no, of course not - I'm not in this for, for _that_ , I don't care about sex, I - I," Simon smiles shyly. "I care about you."

"But what if it becomes a problem, later?" Raphael knows he should just let it go, but he _can't._ He just _can't._

"Then we'll deal with it later." Simon's eyes are wide and genuine and kind and he's just so lovely that it's almost too much for Raphael to handle. He's not used to it.

"Lewis, are you saying-"

"Santiago, would you mind being my boyfriend?"

Raphael stares. Then he slowly leans in, and places a light kiss against Simon's forehead. When he leans back, Simon's eyes are glittering.

"I guess," Raphael says. "I don't have any better offers."

He's almost expecting Simon to groan or lament his woes or something. Instead, he brushes his own lips against Raphael's, the slightest, barest of touches. Something deep inside of Raphael craves for more. It's unexpected. But not unpleasant.

" _I_ might." Simon teases.

"I doubt it." Raphael mutters, and then he's closing the slim distance between them, because he can't stand Simon being so close and yet so achingly far away at the same time.

Simon's lips are soft, if a little dry, and the kiss is, at first, a bit awkward. It's been longer than Raphael can care to remember since he'd kissed anyone, and Simon has never kissed a guy before, so the logistics, the different feel and taste take a bit to get used to. But Simon is nothing if not determined, and it doesn't take him long to wrap his head around the sharpness of Raphael's jaw beneath his hand, the bump of his nose and the firmness of his mouth.

They pull back for air, and this time when their lips touch again, the sailing is a lot smoother and far more enjoyable for both. Their mouths slot together like perfectly-aligned puzzle pieces, hot air ghosting out and mingling within the fleeting gaps. Raphael keeps one hand locked with Simon's, the other gripping the front of his letterman, to pull and keep him as close as spatially possible.

Simon gasps, and it's small and light but the sound still wraps itself around Raphael's mind, and he has to get closer. There is an urge deep inside him to make sure that Simon is close to him - now he's standing on even ground, he wants nothing more than to express in actions what he cannot with words.

Simon is the one to pull back, properly, possibly because when Raphael puts energy into affection, he pours his everything into it, as though he has to make up for what he's otherwise lacking.

"I don't know if that was good because it was different or good because it was you, but - damn," Simon lets out a low, deep chuckle. "That was really good."

Raphael smiles despite himself. "It was okay."

Simon rests his forehead against Raphael's, and laughs again. Raphael has discovered that he quite likes the sound.

"You're impossible." Simon laments, and a secret, childish part of Raphael is fairly pleased with himself.

"Perhaps." Raphael kisses Simon's nose. "But you're the one who was foolish enough to ask me out, _mi sol_. You have nobody to blame but yourself."

Simon hums, his nose bumping against Raphael's. "You agreed. Guess that means you do want me around."

"Somewhat regretfully," Raphael sighs dramatically. "I must agree with your conclusion."

Simon smiles, and then he's leaning in, and they're kissing, again, and any words Raphael might have wanted to add die on the end of his tongue, because Simon's mouth is soft and his movements are slow and Raphael thinks that he could quite happily end his existence in this exact fashion.

Sure, there will be things for he and Simon to work on and talk about, and obstacles they'll have to overcome. But every relationship has that, and realistically, they've already surpassed some substantial ones, and survived.

Raphael thinks they have a fighting chance. And he's willing to put whatever he can into it. For Simon.

**Author's Note:**

> And so concludes the second part. But don't worry - this won't be the last Saphael fic I write. And I will likely write more within this universe - malec, for example, and how they got together. ;)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this!
> 
> A question for vulturemonem: why is it always tea?
> 
> \
> 
> por el amor de Dios - for the love of God
> 
> Eso es a todas luces absurdo - that is absolutely preposterous
> 
> estupido - unintelligent
> 
> lo siento - I'm sorry
> 
> mi sol - darling/my sun


End file.
